We all have at least one 'Sophie'. Today during my sister's game, I recognized an older sister of one of the players. My family was friends with her family, so I had seen her around, but today she triggered a stream of thoughts (as random and sometimes inconsequential things do). This girl was beautiful, you know, like the type of beautiful that stands out. The type of beautiful that is the first and most noticeable thing about a person; she had long toned tan legs, beautiful blonde hair, and a friendly cheery smile... she reminded me of Sophie*.
I've known Sophie all my life. Our moms grew up together and somehow, no matter where I live, we've always managed to see each other at least a couple times a year. I can't remember a time when her name wasn't connected to my own insecurities. She is that kind of beautiful, inside and out. The type of beautiful that draws people in. Such an amazing person that you can't help but recognize that ginormous differences between you and her. (Or maybe I'm the only one... in which case... stop here)
You know how when you first meet a person there's a brief moment, ranging from a couple minutes to maybe an hour of concentrated time and lingering for maybe a week or so, when what you see when you look at them is their outward characteristics and maybe just the very surface of their character? And then, as you begin to know them, you don't necessarily see their features... or rather when you see their features they just kind of become the person. This is hard to explain, so I'll use an example. Let's take my sister, Bea*. When I look at her, I can't see her features without identifying it as Bea, my sister. I look at her and she is a whole person, and I guess I don't notice her features as much as I translate them to equal her. Gosh, maybe the more I explain the less you'll understand, so I'll stop and hope that this is an inherently human experience.
All this to say that there are certain people whose features stand out for longer -- people that no matter how long I know them, there'll be little moments when I stop seeing them and all I can see is how they look. Those are my Sophies. One of my best friends is a Sophie, (she's not the original Sophie though, so we'll call her Jane*). She's funny, she has a nature that draws you in... instantly likable, and, of course, she is that type of beautiful.
So I guess there's two things I'd like to write about Sophies.
The first... Well, we'll begin again with Jane. The more I'm with her, the more used to her beauty I get, but I know there's a little part of me that will always associate her beauty with her character. That's the problem, isn't it? I can't truly and completely separate how amazing of a person she is with how she looks. That's my sinful nature, and not at all her fault. It's like this. There are times when I won't be able to get to know who people are because I'll be stuck on how they look. Her accomplishments will always be somehow connected with her outward appearance to me. Let's say she becomes a world famous scientists. In the same sentence that I mention her groundbreaking accomplishments, I'll probably mention how beautiful she is. Not because I'm shallow, but because that's one of the things that stand out to me. So I guess my question is... is it really that much of an advantage to be a Sophie? I've wrestled with this one, but I think maybe not.
This leads to the second... It's easy to compare, and if you've read all of this, you'd understand that really... this whole thing hasn't been as much about the Sophies as it's been about me. I'll say it again... It's easy to compare. Especially as girls in a world that commercializes beauty and tells us what pretty is supposed to look like. I'm told this all the time, but honestly, I think I'd know which friends were Sophies with or without what the world around feeds me. Maybe my Sophies would be different, or maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so. I think there will always be Sophies in my life. There will always be people who I will be tempted to compare myself with. There will be people who are more successful, better looking, people who have better lives, or have been to more places. I think it's my job to accept that. It's my job to try to be content with me and know that to someone else I might be that Sophie. It's hard for me to ever imagine that I guess because the Original Sophie has always been what I thought was truly beautiful.
That's where I am wrong, isn't it? This whole time my example, my definition, of what is beautiful and desirable has come from other people. And while I do acknowledge the fact that there are some people that are universally considered beautiful, that are instinctually 'easy on the eyes' or appealing, I'm forgetting what beautiful is supposed to mean to me. Beautiful is supposed to be more than skin-deep. And while I might not have the extra skin-deep definition of beauty, I know that I was created in the image of my Creator, the most beautiful being in existence. And I know that He makes all things good. He made me and was satisfied, so I must be just right. I know he wasn't looking at my face shape or body size (though he formed me knowing those things), he was was looking at what truly mattered... my heart. Inner-beauty.
So before I get too cheesy or side-tracked, I'll wrap this up (and reiterate a bit). I will always have Sophies, right now in my life I could probably name at least 5. 5 people I love to death and admire, but sometimes have to fight the urge to be jealous of. That won't change (though the number will probably increase). What can change is how I feel about myself around the Sophies. Or maybe it's bigger than that. Maybe what I should be asking myself is why dwell on it at all. And that's something I have to work on.
I'm pretty sure this entry turned out nothing like I planned it, but that's the beauty of a journal isn't it! An uninterupted stream of thought! Well. Here's to the Sophies and the not-Sophies.
Adieu.
- MRW
I've known Sophie all my life. Our moms grew up together and somehow, no matter where I live, we've always managed to see each other at least a couple times a year. I can't remember a time when her name wasn't connected to my own insecurities. She is that kind of beautiful, inside and out. The type of beautiful that draws people in. Such an amazing person that you can't help but recognize that ginormous differences between you and her. (Or maybe I'm the only one... in which case... stop here)
You know how when you first meet a person there's a brief moment, ranging from a couple minutes to maybe an hour of concentrated time and lingering for maybe a week or so, when what you see when you look at them is their outward characteristics and maybe just the very surface of their character? And then, as you begin to know them, you don't necessarily see their features... or rather when you see their features they just kind of become the person. This is hard to explain, so I'll use an example. Let's take my sister, Bea*. When I look at her, I can't see her features without identifying it as Bea, my sister. I look at her and she is a whole person, and I guess I don't notice her features as much as I translate them to equal her. Gosh, maybe the more I explain the less you'll understand, so I'll stop and hope that this is an inherently human experience.
All this to say that there are certain people whose features stand out for longer -- people that no matter how long I know them, there'll be little moments when I stop seeing them and all I can see is how they look. Those are my Sophies. One of my best friends is a Sophie, (she's not the original Sophie though, so we'll call her Jane*). She's funny, she has a nature that draws you in... instantly likable, and, of course, she is that type of beautiful.
So I guess there's two things I'd like to write about Sophies.
The first... Well, we'll begin again with Jane. The more I'm with her, the more used to her beauty I get, but I know there's a little part of me that will always associate her beauty with her character. That's the problem, isn't it? I can't truly and completely separate how amazing of a person she is with how she looks. That's my sinful nature, and not at all her fault. It's like this. There are times when I won't be able to get to know who people are because I'll be stuck on how they look. Her accomplishments will always be somehow connected with her outward appearance to me. Let's say she becomes a world famous scientists. In the same sentence that I mention her groundbreaking accomplishments, I'll probably mention how beautiful she is. Not because I'm shallow, but because that's one of the things that stand out to me. So I guess my question is... is it really that much of an advantage to be a Sophie? I've wrestled with this one, but I think maybe not.
This leads to the second... It's easy to compare, and if you've read all of this, you'd understand that really... this whole thing hasn't been as much about the Sophies as it's been about me. I'll say it again... It's easy to compare. Especially as girls in a world that commercializes beauty and tells us what pretty is supposed to look like. I'm told this all the time, but honestly, I think I'd know which friends were Sophies with or without what the world around feeds me. Maybe my Sophies would be different, or maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so. I think there will always be Sophies in my life. There will always be people who I will be tempted to compare myself with. There will be people who are more successful, better looking, people who have better lives, or have been to more places. I think it's my job to accept that. It's my job to try to be content with me and know that to someone else I might be that Sophie. It's hard for me to ever imagine that I guess because the Original Sophie has always been what I thought was truly beautiful.
That's where I am wrong, isn't it? This whole time my example, my definition, of what is beautiful and desirable has come from other people. And while I do acknowledge the fact that there are some people that are universally considered beautiful, that are instinctually 'easy on the eyes' or appealing, I'm forgetting what beautiful is supposed to mean to me. Beautiful is supposed to be more than skin-deep. And while I might not have the extra skin-deep definition of beauty, I know that I was created in the image of my Creator, the most beautiful being in existence. And I know that He makes all things good. He made me and was satisfied, so I must be just right. I know he wasn't looking at my face shape or body size (though he formed me knowing those things), he was was looking at what truly mattered... my heart. Inner-beauty.
So before I get too cheesy or side-tracked, I'll wrap this up (and reiterate a bit). I will always have Sophies, right now in my life I could probably name at least 5. 5 people I love to death and admire, but sometimes have to fight the urge to be jealous of. That won't change (though the number will probably increase). What can change is how I feel about myself around the Sophies. Or maybe it's bigger than that. Maybe what I should be asking myself is why dwell on it at all. And that's something I have to work on.
I'm pretty sure this entry turned out nothing like I planned it, but that's the beauty of a journal isn't it! An uninterupted stream of thought! Well. Here's to the Sophies and the not-Sophies.
Adieu.
- MRW